All the love will return to her

Guess what, Mama?

she asks me just moments

before midnight. 50 days until

graduation, she beams.

Her eyes are light and

she tells me she’s ready.

50 days?

The words echo in my ears and

I pause to find words I’ve never

known until now. My voice is silent.

Words remain in my heart unspoken.

I am growing alongside her

in this moment, inexperienced,

I am only almost-18 as a mother —

pardon me for being startled.

I won’t know how I will feel

until her name is called

and she walks across that stage,

stepping away from childhood

and into full adulthood.

We’ve talked of this

countless times, of the loved ones
cheering her on
to this momentous point.

I hear the clock downstairs

ticking and reminding me

of the sifting time before

us — intangible —

and it all seems right.

I tell her of my fears of

becoming a mother 18 years

ago and how I hoped

I might be a loving and

gracious mother, how

I prayed I’d know how to

raise her well. It’s that same

sort of feeling now, but now —
I fully know this
sweet child of mine,
her hopes and fears, this
beaming light I’m sending
out into the world,
her boundless joy and delight in living,
her zest for loving others —
all this will return to her tenfold.

50 days? I ask. She nods, grinning.

Let’s make a paper chain tomorrow

and we can count down together, I say.